While I,in smiling joy,would rest,For hours,my head upon her breast.
Our neighbours said that none could see In me the common childish charms,(So grave and still I used to be,)And yet she held me in her arms,In a fond clasp,so close,so tight -I often dream of it at night.
She bade me tell her all--no other My childish thoughts e'er cared to know:
For I--I never knew my mother;
I was an orphan long ago.
And I could all my fancies pour,That gentle loving face before.
She liked to hear me tell her all;
How that day I had climbed the tree,To make the largest fir-cones fall;And how one day I hoped to be A sailor on the deep blue sea -She loved to hear it all!
Then wondrous things she used to tell,Of the strange dreams that she had known.
I used to love to hear them well,If only for her sweet low tone,Sometimes so sad,although I knew That such things never could be true.
One day she told me such a tale It made me grow all cold and pale,The fearful thing she told!
Of a poor woman mad and wild Who coined the life-blood of her child,And tempted by a fiend,had sold The heart out of her breast for gold.
But,when she saw me frightened seem,She smiled,and said it was a dream.
When I look back and think of her,My very heart-strings seem to stir;How kind,how fair she was,how good I cannot tell you.If I could You,too,would love her.The mere thought Of her great love for me has brought Tears in my eyes:though far away,It seems as it were yesterday.
And just as when I look on high Through the blue silence of the sky,Fresh stars shine out,and more and more,Where I could see so few before;So,the more steadily I gaze Upon those far-off misty days,Fresh words,fresh tones,fresh memories start Before my eyes and in my heart.
I can remember how one day (Talking in silly childish way)I said how happy I should be If I were like her son--as fair,With just such bright blue eyes as he,And such long locks of golden hair.
A strange smile on her pale face broke,And in strange solemn words she spoke:
"My own,my darling one--no,no!
I love you,far,far better so.
I would not change the look you bear,Or one wave of your dark brown hair.
The mere glance of your sunny eyes,Deep in my deepest soul I prize Above that baby fair!
Not one of all the Earl's proud line In beauty ever matched with thine;And,'tis by thy dark locks thou art Bound even faster round my heart,And made more wholly mine!"And then she paused,and weeping said,"You are like one who now is dead -Who sleeps in a far-distant grave.
Oh may God grant that you may be As noble and as good as he,As gentle and as brave!"Then in my childish way I cried,"The one you tell me of who died,Was he as noble as the Earl?"I see her red lips scornful curl,I feel her hold my hand again So tightly,that I shrink in pain -I seem to hear her say,"He whom I tell you of,who died,He was so noble and so gay,So generous and so brave,That the proud Earl by his dear side Would look a craven slave."She paused;then,with a quivering sigh,She laid her hand upon my brow:
"Live like him,darling,and so die.
Remember that he tells you now,True peace,real honour,and content,In cheerful pious toil abide;That gold and splendour are but sent To curse our vanity and pride."One day some childish fever pain Burnt in my veins and fired my brain.
Moaning,I turned from side to side;
And,sobbing in my bed,I cried,Till night in calm and darkness crept Around me,and at last I slept.
When suddenly I woke to see The Lady bending over me.
The drops of cold November rain Were falling from her long,damp hair;Her anxious eyes were dim with pain;
Yet she looked wondrous fair.
Arrayed for some great feast she came,With stones that shone and burnt like flame;Wound round her neck,like some bright snake,And set like stars within her hair,They sparkled so,they seemed to make A glory everywhere.
I felt her tears upon my face,Her kisses on my eyes;And a strange thought I could not trace I felt within my heart arise;And,half in feverish pain,I said:
"Oh if my mother were not dead!"
And Walter bade me sleep;but she Said,"Is it not the same to thee That _I_watch by thy bed?"I answered her,"I love you,too;
But it can never be the same;
