A room in FORD'S house. Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE MISTRESS FORD What, John! What, Robert! MISTRESS PAGE Quickly, quickly! is the buck-basket-- MISTRESS FORD I warrant. What, Robin, I say!
Enter Servants with a basket MISTRESS PAGE Come, come, come. MISTRESS FORD Here, set it down. MISTRESS PAGE Give your men the charge; we must be brief. MISTRESS FORD Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew-house: and when Isuddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause or staggering take this basket on your shoulders:
that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side. MISTRESS PAGE You will do it? MISTRESS FORD I ha' told them over and over; they lack no direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.
Exeunt Servants MISTRESS PAGE Here comes little Robin.
Enter ROBIN MISTRESS FORD How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you? ROBIN My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door, Mistress Ford, and requests your company. MISTRESS PAGE You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us? ROBIN Ay, I'll be sworn. My master knows not of your being here and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty if I tell you of it; for he swears he'll turn me away. MISTRESS PAGE Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet and hose. I'll go hide me. MISTRESS FORD Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone.
Exit ROBIN
Mistress Page, remember you your cue. MISTRESS PAGE I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.
Exit MISTRESS FORD Go to, then: we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watery pumpion; we'll teach him to know turtles from jays.
Enter FALSTAFF FALSTAFF Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel?
Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the period of my ambition: O this blessed hour! MISTRESS FORD O sweet Sir John! FALSTAFF Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the best lord; I would make thee my lady. MISTRESS FORD I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady! FALSTAFF Let the court of France show me such another.
I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance. MISTRESS FORD A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothing else; nor that well neither. FALSTAFF By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it. MISTRESS FORD Believe me, there is no such thing in me. FALSTAFF What made me love thee? let that persuade thee there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, Icannot cog and say thou art this and that, like a many of these lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it. MISTRESS FORD Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page. FALSTAFF Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln. MISTRESS FORD Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one day find it. FALSTAFF Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it. MISTRESS FORD Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not be in that mind. ROBIN [Within] Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford!
here's Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently. FALSTAFF She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind the arras. MISTRESS FORD Pray you, do so: she's a very tattling woman.
FALSTAFF hides himself Re-enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBINWhat's the matter? how now! MISTRESS PAGE O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed, you're overthrown, you're undone for ever! MISTRESS FORD What's the matter, good Mistress Page? MISTRESS PAGE O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! MISTRESS FORD What cause of suspicion? MISTRESS PAGE What cause of suspicion! Out pon you!
how am I
