HYPATIA. Excuse me rushing in like this. Mr Percival has been chasing me down the hill.
GUNNER. Who chased him up it? Dont be ashamed. Be fearless. Be truthful.
TARLETON. Gunner: will you go to Paris for a fortnight? I'll pay your expenses.
HYPATIA. What do you mean?
GUNNER. There was a silent witness in the Turkish bath.
TARLETON. I found him hiding there. Whatever went on here, he saw and heard. Thats what he means.
PERCIVAL. [sternly approaching Gunner, and speaking with deep but contained indignation] Am I to understand you as daring to put forward the monstrous and blackguardly lie that this lady behaved improperly in my presence?
GUNNER. [turning white] You know what I saw and heard.
Hypatia, with a gleam of triumph in her eyes, slips noiselessly into the swing chair, and watches Percival and Gunner, swinging slightly, but otherwise motionless.
PERCIVAL. I hope it is not necessary for me to assure you all that there is not one word of truth--not one grain of substance--in this rascally calumny, which no man with a spark of decent feeling would have uttered even if he had been ignorant enough to believe it. Miss Tarleton's conduct, since I have had the honor of knowing her, has been, I need hardly say, in every respect beyond reproach. [To Gunner] As for you, sir, youll have the goodness to come out with me immediately. I have some business with you which cant be settled in Mrs Tarleton's presence or in her house.
GUNNER. [painfully frightened] Why should I go out with you?
PERCIVAL. Because I intend that you shall.
GUNNER. I wont be bullied by you. [Percival makes a threatening step towards him]. Police! [He tries to bolt; but Percival seizes him]. Leave me go, will you? What right have you to lay hands on me?
TARLETON. Let him run for it, Mr Percival. Hes very poor company.
We shall be well rid of him. Let him go.
PERCIVAL. Not until he has taken back and made the fullest apology for the abominable lie he has told. He shall do that or he shall defend himself as best he can against the most thorough thrashing I'm capable of giving him. [Releasing Gunner, but facing him ominously]
Take your choice. Which is it to be?
GUNNER. Give me a fair chance. Go and stick at a desk from nine to six for a month, and let me have your grub and your sport and your lessons in boxing, and I'll fight you fast enough. You know I'm no good or you darent bully me like this.
PERCIVAL. You should have thought of that before you attacked a lady with a dastardly slander. I'm waiting for your decision. I'm rather in a hurry, please.
GUNNER. I never said anything against the lady.
MRS TARLETON. |Oh, listen to that!
BENTLEY. |What a liar!
HYPATIA. |Oh!
TARLETON. |Oh, come!
PERCIVAL. We'll have it in writing, if you dont mind. [Pointing to the writing table] Sit down; and take that pen in your hand.
[Gunner looks irresolutely a little way round; then obeys]. Now write. "I," whatever your name is--GUNNER [after a vain attempt] I cant. My hand's shaking too much.
You see it's no use. I'm doing my best. I cant.
PERCIVAL. Mr Summerhays will write it: you can sign it.
BENTLEY. [insolently to Gunner] Get up. [Gunner obeys; and Bentley, shouldering him aside towards Percival, takes his place and prepares to write].
PERCIVAL. Whats your name?
GUNNER. John Brown.
TARLETON. Oh come! Couldnt you make it Horace Smith? or Algernon Robinson?
GUNNER. [agitatedly] But my name is John Brown. There are really John Browns. How can I help it if my name's a common one?
BENTLEY. Shew us a letter addressed to you.
GUNNER. How can I? I never get any letters: I'm only a clerk. Ican shew you J. B. on my handkerchief. [He takes out a not very clean one].
BENTLEY. [with disgust] Oh, put it up again. Let it go at John Brown.
PERCIVAL. Where do you live?
GUNNER. 4 Chesterfield Parade, Kentish Town, N.W.
PERCIVAL. [dictating] I, John Brown, of 4 Chesterfield Parade, Kentish Town, do hereby voluntarily confess that on the 31st May 1909I-- [To Tarleton] What did he do exactly?
TARLETON. [dictating] --I trespassed on the land of John Tarleton at Hindhead, and effected an unlawful entry into his house, where Isecreted myself in a portable Turkish bath--BENTLEY. Go slow, old man. Just a moment. "Turkish bath"--yes?
TARLETON. [continuing] --with a pistol, with which I threatened to take the life of the said John Tarleton--MRS TARLETON. Oh, John! You might have been killed.
TARLETON. --and was prevented from doing so only by the timely arrival of the celebrated Miss Lina Szczepanowska.
MRS TARLETON. Is she celebrated? [Apologetically] I never dreamt--BENTLEY. Look here: I'm awfully sorry; but I cant spell Szczepanowska.
PERCIVAL. I think it's S, z, c, z-- [Lina gives him her visiting-card]. Thank you. [He throws it on Bentley's blotter].
BENTLEY. Thanks awfully. [He writes the name].
TARLETON. [to Percival] Now it's your turn.
PERCIVAL. [dictating] I further confess that I was guilty of uttering an abominable calumny concerning Miss Hypatia Tarleton, for which there was not a shred of foundation.
Impressive silence whilst Bentley writes.
BENTLEY. "foundation"?
PERCIVAL. I apologize most humbly to the lady and her family for my conduct-- [he waits for Bentley to write].
BENTLEY. "conduct"?
PERCIVAL. --and I promise Mr Tarleton not to repeat it, and to amend my life--BENTLEY. "amend my life"?
PERCIVAL. --and to do what in me lies to prove worthy of his kindness in giving me another chance--BENTLEY. "another chance"?
PERCIVAL. --and refraining from delivering me up to the punishment Iso richly deserve.
BENTLEY. "richly deserve."
PERCIVAL. [to Hypatia] Does that satisfy you, Miss Tarleton?
HYPATIA. Yes: that will teach him to tell lies next time.
BENTLEY. [rising to make place for Gunner and handing him the pen]
You mean it will teach him to tell the truth next time.
TARLETON. Ahem! Do you, Patsy?
