And yet it may be that he could not have felt worse than he did; for there IS nothing worse than to be seventeen and to hear one of the Noblest girls in the world told by a little child that you sat on the cakes and tore a hole in your clo'es.
William leaned upon the banister railing and thought thoughts about Jane.For several long, seething moments he thought of her exclusively.
Then, spurred by the loud laughter of rivals and the agony of knowing that even in his own house they were monopolizing the attention of one of the Noblest, he hastened into his own, room and took account of his reverses.
Standing with his back to the mirror, he obtained over his shoulder a view of his trousers which caused him to break out in a fresh perspiration.Again he wiped his forehead with the handkerchief, and the result was instantly visible in the mirror.
The air thickened with sounds of frenzy, followed by a torrential roar and great sputterings in a bath-room, which tumult subsiding, William returned at a tragic gallop to his room and, having removed his trousers, began a feverish examination of the garments hanging in a clothes-
closet.There were two pairs of flannel trousers which would probably again be white and possible, when cleaned and pressed, but a glance showed that until then they were not to be considered as even the last resort of desperation.
Beside them hung his ``last year's summer suit''
of light gray.
Feverishly he brought it forth, threw off his coat, and then--deflected by another glance at the mirror--began to change his collar again.
This was obviously necessary, and to quicken the process he decided to straighten the bent collar-button.Using a shoe-horn as a lever, he succeeded in bringing the little cap or head of the button into its proper plane, but, unfortunately, his final effort dislodged the cap from the rod between it and the base, and it flew off malignantly into space.Here was a calamity; few things are more useless than a decapitated collar-
button, and William had no other.He had made sure that it was his last before he put it on, that day; also he had ascertained that there was none in, on, or about his father's dressing-table.
Finally, in the possession of neither William nor his father was there a shirt with an indigenous collar.
For decades, collar-buttons have been on the hand-me-down shelves of humor; it is a mistake in the catalogue.They belong to pathos.They have done harm in the world, and there have been collar-buttons that failed when the destinies of families hung upon them.There have been collar-buttons that thwarted proper matings.
There have been collar-buttons that bore last hopes, and, falling to the floor, NEVER were found!
William's broken collar-button was really the only collar-button in the house, except such as were engaged in serving his male guests below.
At first he did not realize the extent of his misfortune.How could he? Fate is always expected to deal its great blows in the grand manner.But our expectations are fustian spangled with pinchbeck; we look for tragedy to be theatrical.Meanwhile, every day before our eyes, fate works on, employing for its instruments the infinitesimal, the ignoble and the petty--in a word, collar-buttons.
Of course William searched his dressing-
table and his father's, although he had been thoroughly over both once before that day.Next he went through most of his mother's and Jane's accessories to the toilette; through trinket-boxes, glove-boxes, hairpin-boxes, handkerchief-cases--even through sewing-baskets.Utterly he convinced himself that ladies not only use no collar-
buttons, but also never pick them up and put them away among their own belongings.How much time he consumed in this search is difficult to reckon;--it is almost impossible to believe that there is absolutely no collar-button in a house.
And what William's state of mind had become is matter for exorbitant conjecture.Jane, arriving at his locked door upon an errand, was bidden by a thick, unnatural voice to depart.
``Mamma says, `What in mercy's name is the matter?' '' Jane called.``She whispered to me, `Go an' see what in mercy's name is the matter with Willie; an' if the glass cut him, after all; an'
why don't he come down'; an' why don't you, Willie? We're all havin' the nicest time!''
``You g'way!'' said the strange voice within the room.``G'way!''
``Well, did the glass cut you?''
``No! Keep quiet! G'way!''
``Well, are you EVER comin' down to your party?''
``Yes, I am! G'way!''
Jane obeyed, and William somehow completed the task upon which he was engaged.Genius had burst forth from his despair; necessity had become a mother again, and William's collar was in place.It was tied there.Under his necktie was a piece of string.
He had lost count of time, but he was frantically aware of its passage; agony was in the thought of so many rich moments frittered away;
up-stairs, while Joe Bullitt and Johnnie Watson made hay below.And there was another spur to haste in his fear that the behavior of Mrs.
Baxter might not be all that the guest of honor would naturally expect of William's mother.
As for Jane, his mind filled with dread; shivers passed over him at intervals.
It was a dismal thing to appear at a ``party''
(and that his own) in ``last summer's suit,'' but when he had hastily put it on and faced the mirror, he felt a little better--for three or four seconds.Then he turned to see how the back of it looked.
And collapsed in a chair, moaning.
