Mr Bramble did not know whether to chide or laugh at this declaration -- He foresaw much contradiction on the side of Tabby; and on the other hand, he could not but be pleased with the gratitude of Clinker, as well as with the simplicity of his character -- 'Suppose I was inclined to take you into my service (said he) what are your qualifications? what are you good for?'
'An please your honour (answered this original) I can read and write, and do the business of the stable indifferent well -- I can dress a horse, and shoe him, and bleed and rowel him; and, as for the practice of sow-gelding, I won't turn my back on e'er a he in the county of Wilts -- Then I can make hog's puddings and hob-nails, mend kettles and tin sauce-pans.' -- Here uncle burst out a-laughing; and inquired what other accomplishments he was master of -- 'I know something of single-stick, and psalmody (proceeded Clinker); I can play upon the jew's-harp, sing Black-ey'd Susan, Arthur-o'Bradley, and divers other songs; I can dance a Welsh jig, and Nancy Dawson; wrestle a fall with any lad of my inches, when I'm in heart; and, under correction I can find a hare when your honour wants a bit of game.' 'Foregad! thou are a complete fellow (cried my uncle, still laughing) I have a good mind to take thee into my family -- Prithee, go and try if thou can'st make peace with my sister -- Thou ha'st given her much offence by shewing her thy naked tail.'
Clinker accordingly followed us into the room, cap in hand, where, addressing himself to Mrs Tabitha, 'May it please your ladyship's worship (cried he) to pardon and forgive my offences, and, with God's assistance, I shall take care that my tail shall never rise up in judgment against me, to offend your ladyship again. Do, pray, good, sweet, beautiful lady, take compassion on a poor sinner -- God bless your noble countenance; I am sure you are too handsome and generous to bear malice -- I will serve you on my bended knees, by night and by day, by land and by water; and all for the love and pleasure of serving such an excellent lady.'
This compliment and humiliation had some effect upon Tabby; but she made no reply; and Clinker, taking silence for consent, gave his attendance at dinner. The fellow's natural aukwardness and the flutter of his spirits were productive of repeated blunders in the course of his attendance -- At length, he spilt part of a custard upon her right shoulder; and, starting back, trod upon Chowder, who set up a dismal howl -- Poor Humphry was so disconcerted at this double mistake, that he dropt the china dish, which broke into a thousand pieces; then, falling down upon his knees, remained in that posture gaping, with a most ludicrous aspect of distress. Mrs Bramble flew to the dog, and, snatching him in her arms, presented him to her brother saying, 'This is all a concerted scheme against this unfortunate animal, whose only crime is its regard for me -- Here it is, kill it at once, and then you'll be satisfied.'
