"LOVE-LETTER? My letter a love-letter? That letter was the most respectful of letters; it went straight from my heart, at what was perhaps the most painful moment of my life! I thought of you at the time as a kind of light. I--""Well, very well, very well!" she said, but quite in a different tone. She was remorseful now, and bent forward to touch his shoulder, though still trying not to look him in the face, as if the more persuasively to beg him not to be angry with her. "Very well," she continued, looking thoroughly ashamed of herself, "Ifeel that I said a very foolish thing. I only did it just to try you. Take it as unsaid, and if I offended you, forgive me. Don't look straight at me like that, please; turn your head away. You called it a 'horrible idea'; I only said it to shock you. Very often I am myself afraid of saying what I intend to say, and out it comes all the same. You have just told me that you wrote that letter at the most painful moment of your life. I know what moment that was!" she added softly, looking at the ground again.
"Oh, if you could know all!"
"I DO know all!" she cried, with another burst of indignation.
"You were living in the same house as that horrible woman with whom you ran away." She did not blush as she said this; on the contrary, she grew pale, and started from her seat, apparently oblivious of what she did, and immediately sat down again. Her lip continued to tremble for a long time.
There was silence for a moment. The prince was taken aback by the suddenness of this last reply, and did not know to what he should attribute it.
"I don't love you a bit!" she said suddenly, just as though the words had exploded from her mouth.
The prince did not answer, and there was silence again. "I love Gavrila Ardalionovitch," she said, quickly; but hardly audibly, and with her head bent lower than ever.
"That is NOT true," said the prince, in an equally low voice.
"What! I tell stories, do I? It is true! I gave him my promise a couple of days ago on this very seat."The prince was startled, and reflected for a moment.
"It is not true," he repeated, decidedly; "you have just invented it!""You are wonderfully polite. You know he is greatly improved. He loves me better than his life. He let his hand burn before my very eyes in order to prove to me that he loved me better than his life!""He burned his hand!"
"Yes, believe it or not! It's all the same to me!"The prince sat silent once more. Aglaya did not seem to be joking; she was too angry for that.
"What! he brought a candle with him to this place? That is, if the episode happened here; otherwise I can't ""Yes, a candle! What's there improbable about that?""A whole one, and in a candlestick?"
"Yes--no-half a candle--an end, you know--no, it was a whole candle; it's all the same. Be quiet, can't you! He brought a box of matches too, if you like, and then lighted the candle and held his finger in it for half an hour and more!--There! Can't that be?""I saw him yesterday, and his fingers were all right!"Aglaya suddenly burst out laughing, as simply as a child.
"Do you know why I have just told you these lies?" She appealed to the prince, of a sudden, with the most childlike candour, and with the laugh still trembling on her lips. "Because when one tells a lie, if one insists on something unusual and eccentric--something too 'out of the way'' for anything, you know--the more impossible the thing is, the more plausible does the lie sound.
I've noticed this. But I managed it badly; I didn't know how to work it." She suddenly frowned again at this point as though at some sudden unpleasant recollection.
"If"--she began, looking seriously and even sadly at him-- "if when I read you all that about the 'poor knight,' I wished to-to praise you for one thing--I also wished to show you that I knew all--and did not approve of your conduct.""You are very unfair to me, and to that unfortunate woman of whom you spoke just now in such dreadful terms, Aglaya.""Because I know all, all--and that is why I speak so. I know very well how you--half a year since--offered her your hand before everybody. Don't interrupt me. You see, I am merely stating facts without any comment upon them. After that she ran away with Rogojin. Then you lived with her at some village or town, and she ran away from you." (Aglaya blushed dreadfully.) "Then she returned to Rogojin again, who loves her like a madman. Then you --like a wise man as you are--came back here after her as soon as ever you heard that she had returned to Petersburg. Yesterday evening you sprang forward to protect her, and just now you dreamed about her. You see, I know all. You did come back here for her, for her--now didn't you?""Yes--for her!" said the prince softly and sadly, and bending his head down, quite unconscious of the fact that Aglaya was gazing at him with eyes which burned like live coals. "I came to find out something--I don't believe in her future happiness as Rogojin's wife, although--in a word, I did not know how to help her or what to do for her--but I came, on the chance."He glanced at Aglaya, who was listening with a look of hatred on her face.
"If you came without knowing why, I suppose you love her very much indeed!" she said at last.
"No," said the prince, "no, I do not love her. Oh! if you only knew with what horror I recall the time I spent with her!"A shudder seemed to sweep over his whole body at the recollection.
"Tell me about it," said Aglaya.
"There is nothing which you might not hear. Why I should wish to tell you, and only you, this experience of mine, I really cannot say; perhaps it really is because I love you very much. This unhappy woman is persuaded that she is the most hopeless, fallen creature in the world. Oh, do not condemn her! Do not cast stones at her! She has suffered too much already in the consciousness of her own undeserved shame.
"And she is not guilty--oh God!--Every moment she bemoans and bewails herself, and cries out that she does not admit any guilt, that she is the victim of circumstances--the victim of a wicked libertine.
