MAY 25.-This morning, just as the doctor shuffled in on his big feet, it came over me how ridiculously I must have looked the day I was taken sick, being walked off between Aunty and himself, crying like a baby.I burst out laughing, and no consideration I could make to myself would stop me.I pinched myself, asked myself how I should feel if one of the children should die, and used other kindred devices all to no purpose.At last the doctor, gravity personified as he is, joined in, though not knowing in the least what he was laughing at.Then he said, "After this, I suppose, I shall have to pronounce you convalescent.""Oh, no!" I cried."I am very-sick indeed."
"This looks like it, to be sure!" said Aunty.
"I suppose this will be your last visit, Dr.Elliott," I went on, "and I am glad of it.After the way I behaved the day I was taken sick, I have been ashamed to look you in the face.But I really felt dreadfully."He made no answer whatever.I don't suppose he would speak a little flattering word by way of putting one in good humor with one's self for the whole world!
JUNE 1.-We are all as well as ever, but the doctor keeps some of the children still confined to the house for fear of bad consequences following the fever.He visits them twice a day for the same reason, or at least under that pretense, but I really believe he comes because he has got the habit of coming, and because he admires Aunty so much.She has a real affection for him, and is continually asking me if I don't like this and that quality in him which I can't see at all.We be gin to drive out again.The weather is, very warm, but Ifeel perfectly well.
JUNE 2.-After the children's dinner to-day I took care of them while their nurse got hers and Aunty went to lie down, as she is all tired out.We were all full of life and fun, and some of the little ones wanted me to play a play of their own invention, which was to lie down on the floor, cover my face with a handkerchief, and make believe I was dead.They were to gather about me, and I was suddenly to come to life and jump up and try to catch them as they all ran scampering and screaming about.We had played in this interesting way for some time, and my hair, which I keep in nice order nowadays, was pulled down and flying every way; when in marched the doctor.Istarted up and came to life quickly enough when I heard his step, looking red and angry, no doubt.
I should think you might have knocked, Dr.Elliott," I said, with much displeasure.
"I ask your pardon; I knocked several times," he returned."I need hardly ask how my little patients are.""No," I replied, still ruffled, arid making desperate efforts to get my hair into some sort of order."They are as well as possible.""I came a little earlier than usual to-day," he went on, "because Iam called to visit my uncle, Dr.Cabot, who is in a very critical state of health.""Dr.Cabot!" I repeated, bursting into tears.
"Compose yourself, I entreat," he said; "I hope that I may be able to relieve him.At all events--""At all events, if you let him die it will break my heart," I cried passionately."Don't wait another moment; go this instant.""I cannot go this instant," he replied."The boat does not leave until four o'clock.And if I may be allowed, as a physician, to say one word, that my brief acquaintance hardly justifies, I do wish to warn you that unless you acquire more self-control-""Oh, I know that I have a quick temper, and that I spoke very rudely to you just now," I interrupted, not a little startled by the seriousness of his manner.
"I did not refer to your temper," he said."I meant your whole passionate nature.Your vehement loves and hates, your ecstasies and your despondencies; your disposition to throw yourself headlong into whatever interests you.""I would rather have too little self-control," I retorted, resentfully, "than to be as cold as a stone, and as hard as a rock, and as silent as the grave, like some people I know."His countenance fell; he looked disappointed, even pained.
"I shall probably see your mother," he said, turning to go; "your aunt wishes me to call on her; have you any message?""No," I said.
Another pained, disappointed look made me begin to recollect myself.
I was sorry, oh! so sorry, for my anger and rudeness.I ran after him, into the hall, my eyes full of tears, holding out both hands, which he took in both his.
"Don't go until you have forgiven me for being so angry!" I cried.
"Indeed, Dr.Elliott, though you not be able to believe it, I am trying to do right all the time!""1 do believe it," he said earnestly.
"Then tell me that you forgive me!"
"If I once begin, I shall be tempted to tell something else," he said, looking me through and through with those great dusky eyes.
"And I will tell it," he went on, his grasp on my hands growing firmer-"'It is easy to forgive when one loves." I pulled my hands away, and burst out crying again.
"Oh, Dr.Elliott this is dreadful!" I said."You do not, you cannot love me! You are so much older than I am! So grave and silent! You are not in earnest?""I am only too much so," he said, and went quietly out.
I went back to the nursery.The children rushed upon me, and insisted that I should "play die." I let them pull me about as they pleased.Ionly wished I could play it in earnest.
