Not a remarkably heavy plot, but quite as bulky as the plots of the Broadway sensation pieces.
7.12.SOLILOQUY OF A LOW THIEF.
My name is Jim Griggins.I'm a low thief.My parients was ignorant folks, and as poor as the shadder of a bean pole.My advantages for gettin' a eddycation was exceedin' limited.I growed up in the street, quite loose and permiskis, you see, and took to vice because I had nothing else to take to, and because nobody had never given me a sight at virtue.
I'm in the penitentiary.I was sent here onct before for priggin' a watch.I served out my time, and now I'm here agin, this time for stealin' a few insignificant clothes.
I shall always blame my parients for not eddycatin' me.Had I been liberally eddycated I could, with my brilliant native talents, have bin a big thief--I b'leeve they call 'em defaulters.Instead of confinin' myself to priggin' clothes, watches, spoons, and sich like, I could have plundered princely sums--thousands and hundreds of thousands of dollars--and that old humbug, the Law, wouldn't have harmed a hair of my head! For, you see, I should be smart enough to get elected State Treasurer, or have something to do with Banks or Railroads, and perhaps a little of both.Then, you see, I could ride in my carriage, live in a big house with a free stun frunt, drive a fast team, and drink as much gin and sugar as I wanted.Ainwestigation might be made, and some of the noospapers might come down on me heavy, but what the d----l would I care about that, havin' previously taken precious good care of the stolen money?
Besides, my "party" would swear stout that I was as innersunt as the new-born babe, and a great many people would wink very pleasant, and say, "Well, Griggins understands what HE'S 'bout, HE does.!"But havin' no eddycation, I'm only a low thief--a stealer of watches and spoons and sich--a low wretch, anyhow--and the Law puts me through without mercy.
It's all right, I spose, and yet I sometimes think it's wery hard to be shut up here, a wearin' checkered clothes, a livin' on cold vittles, a sleepin' on iron beds, a lookin' out upon the world through iron muskeeter bars, and poundin' stun like a galley slave, day after day, week after week, and year after year, while my brother thieves (for to speak candid, there's no difference between a thief and a defaulter, except that the latter is forty times wuss), who have stolen thousands of dollars to my one cent, are walkin' out there in the bright sunshine--dressed up to kill, new clothes upon their backs and piles of gold in their pockets! But the Law don't tech 'em.They are too big game for the Law to shoot at.It's as much as the Law can do to take care of us ignorant thieves.
Who said there was no difference 'tween tweedledum and tweedledee?
He lied in his throat, like a villain as he was! I tell ye there's a tremendous difference.
Oh that I had been liberally eddycated!
Jim Griggins.
Sing--Sing 1860.
7.13.THE NEGRO QUESTION.
I was sitting in the bar, quietly smokin a frugal pipe, when two middle-aged and stern-looking females and a young and pretty female suddenly entered the room.They were accompanied by two umberellers and a negro gentleman.
"Do you feel for the down-trodden?" said one of the females, a thin-faced and sharp-voiced person in green spectacles.
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"Yes; for the oppressed, the benighted?"
"Inasmuch as to which?" said the lan'lord.
"You see this man?" said the female, pintin her umbreller at the negro gentleman.
"Yes, marm, I see him."
"Yes!" said the female, raisin her voice to a exceedin high pitch, "you see him, and he's your brother!""No, I'm darned if he is!" said the lan'lord, hastily retreating to his beer-casks.
"And yours!" shouted the excited female, addressing me."He is also your brother!""No, I think not, marm," I pleasantly replied."The nearest we come to that color in our family was the case of my brother John.He had the janders for sev'ral years, but they finally left him.I am happy to state that, at the present time, he hasn't a solitary jander.""Look at this man!" screamed the female.
I looked at him.He was an able-bodied, well-dressed, comfortable-looking negro.He looked as though he might heave three or four good meals a day into him without a murmur.
"Look a that down-trodden man!" cried the female.
"Who trod on him?" I inquired.
"Villains! despots!"
"Well," said the lan'lord, "why don't you go to the willins about it? Why do you come here tellin us niggers is our brothers, and brandishin your umbrellers round us like a lot of lunytics? You're wuss than the sperrit-rappers!""Have you," said middle-aged female No.2, who was a quieter sort of person, "have you no sentiment--no poetry in your soul--no love for the beautiful? Dost never go into the green fields to cull the beautiful flowers?""I not only never dost," said the landlord, in an angry voice, "but I'll bet you five pound you can't bring a man as dares say I durst.""The little birds," continued the female, "dost not love to gaze onto them?""I would I were a bird, that I might fly to thou!" I humorously sung, casting a sweet glance at the pretty young woman.
"Don't you look in that way at my dawter!" said female No.1., in a violent voice; "you're old enough to be her father.""'Twas an innocent look, dear madam," I softly said."You behold in me an emblem of innocence and purity.In fact, I start for Rome by the first train to-morrow to sit as a model to a celebrated artist who is about to sculp a statue to be called Sweet Innocence.Do you s'pose a sculper would send for me for that purpose onless he knowd I was overflowing with innocency? Don't make a error about me.""It is my opinyn," said the leading female, "that you're a scoffer and a wretch! Your mind is in a wusser beclouded state than the poor nergoes' we are seeking to aid.You are a groper in the dark cellar of sin.O sinful man!
'There is a sparkling fount Come, O come, and drink.'
No! you will not come and drink."
