Now, I find you asked only that you might have someone to lean on, to accuse of having got you into a mess, if doing what you think you ought to do turns out as badly as you fear.''
It was the longest speech she had heard him make.
She had no inclination to dispute his analysis of her motives.``I did not realize it,'' said she, ``but that is probably so.But--remember how I was brought up.''
``There's only one thing for you to do.''
``Go back to my husband? You know--about me --don't you?''
``Yes''
``I can't go back to him.''
``No.''
``Then--what?'' she asked.
``Go on, as now,'' replied he.
``You despise me, don't you?''
``No.''
``But you said you did.''
``Dislike and despise are not at all the same.''
``You admit that you dislike me,'' cried she triumphantly.
He did not answer.
``You think me a weak, clinging creature, not able to do anything but make pretenses.''
No answer.
``Don't you?'' she persisted.
``Probably I have about the same opinion of you that you have of yourself.''
``What WILL become of me?'' she said.Her face lighted up with an expression of reckless beauty.``If I could only get started I'd go to the devil, laughing and dancing--and taking a train with me.''
``You ARE started,'' said he, with an amiable smile.
``Keep on.But I doubt if you'll be so well amused as you may imagine.Going to the devil isn't as it's painted in novels by homely old maids and by men too timid to go out of nights.A few steps farther, and your disillusionment will begin.But there'll be no turning back.Already, you are almost too old to make a career.''
``I'm only twenty-four.I flattered myself I looked still younger.''
``It's worse than I thought,'' said he.``Most of the singers, even the second-rate ones, began at fifteen--began seriously.And you haven't begun yet.''
``That's unjust,'' she protested.``I've done a little.
Many great people would think it a great deal.''
``You haven't begun yet,'' repeated he calmly.``You have spent a lot of money, and have done a lot of dreaming and talking and listening to compliments, and have taken a lot of lessons of an expensive charlatan.But what have those things to do with a career?''
``You've never heard me sing.''
``I do not care for singing.''
``Oh!'' said she in a tone of relief.``Then you know nothing about all this.''
``On the contrary, I know everything about a career.
And we were talking of careers, not of singing.''
``You mean that my voice is worthless because Ihaven't the other elements?''
``What else could I have meant?'' said he.``You haven't the strength.You haven't the health.''
She laughed as she straightened herself.``Do Ilook weak and sickly?'' cried she.
``For the purposes of a career as a female you are strong and well,'' said he.``For the purpose of a career as a singer--'' He smiled and shook his head.
``A singer must have muscles like wire ropes, like a blacksmith or a washerwoman.The other day we were climbing a hill--a not very steep hill.You stopped five times for breath, and twice you sat down to rest.''
She was literally hanging her head with shame.``Iwasn't very well that day,'' she murmured.
``Don't deceive yourself,'' said he.``Don't indulge in the fatal folly of self-excuse.''
``Go on,'' she said humbly.``I want to hear it all.''
``Is your throat sore to-day?'' pursued he.
She colored.``It's better,'' she murmured.
``A singer with sore throat!'' mocked he.``You've had a slight fogginess of the voice all summer.''
``It's this sea air,'' she eagerly protested.``It affects everyone.''
``No self-excuse, please,'' interrupted he.``Cigarettes, champagne, all kinds of foolish food, an impaired digestion--that's the truth, and you know it.''
``I've got splendid digestion! I can eat anything!''
she cried.``Oh, you don't know the first thing about singing.You don't know about temperament, about art, about all the things that singing really means.''
``We were talking of careers,'' said he.``A career means a person who can be relied upon to do what is demanded of him.A singer's career means a powerful body, perfect health, a sound digestion.Without them, the voice will not be reliable.What you need is not singing teachers, but teachers of athletics and of hygiene.
To hear you talk about a career is like listening to a child.You think you can become a professional singer by paying money to a teacher.There are lawyers and doctors and business men in all lines who think that way about their professions--that learning a little routine of technical knowledge makes a lawyer or a doctor or a merchant or a financier.''
``Tell me--WHAT ought I to learn?''
``Learn to think--and to persist.Learn to concentrate.Learn to make sacrifices.Learn to handle yourself as a great painter handles his brush and colors.
Then perhaps you'll make a career as a singer.If not, it'll be a career as something or other.''
She was watching him with a wistful, puzzled expression.
``Could I ever do all that?''
``Anyone could, by working away at it every day.
If you gain only one inch a day, in a year you'll have gained three hundred and sixty-five inches.And if you gain an inch a day for a while and hold it, you soon begin to gain a foot a day.But there's no need to worry about that.'' He was gazing at her now with an expression of animation that showed how feverishly alive he was behind that mask of calmness.``The day's work--that's the story of success.Do the day's work persistently, thoroughly, intelligently.Never mind about to-morrow.Thinking of it means dreaming or despairing--both futilities.Just the day's work.''
``I begin to understand,'' she said thoughtfully.
``You are right.I've done nothing.Oh, I've been a fool--more foolish even than I thought.''
A long silence, then she said, somewhat embarrassed and in a low voice, though there was no danger of those in front of them hearing:
``I want you to know that there has been nothing wrong--between Stanley and me.''
``Do you wish me to put that to your credit or to your discredit?'' inquired he.
``What do you mean?''
