``What ARE you thinking?'' she interrupted herself to say one afternoon as they sat together on the strand under a big sunshade.She had been talking on and on about her career--talking conceitedly, as her subject intoxicated her--telling him what triumphs awaited her as soon as she should be ready to debut.As he did not answer, she repeated her question, adding:
``I knew you weren't listening to me, or I shouldn't have had the courage to say the foolish things I did.''
``No, I wasn't,'' admitted he.
``Why not?''
``For the reason you gave.''
``That what I said was--just talk?''
``Yes.''
``You don't believe I'll do those things?''
``Do you?''
``I've GOT to believe it,'' said she.``If I didn't--''
She came to a full stop.
``If you didn't, then what?'' It was the first time he had ever flattered her with interest enough to ask her a question about herself.
``If I didn't believe I was going to succeed--and succeed big--'' she began.After a pause, she added, ``I'd not dare say it.''
``Or think it,'' said he.
She colored.``What do you mean?'' she asked.
He did not reply.
``What do you mean, Mr.Keith?'' she urged.
``You are always asking me questions to which you already know the answer,'' said he.
``You're referring to a week or so ago, when I asked you why you disliked me?''
No answer.No sign of having heard.No outward sign of interest in anything, even in the cigarette drooping from the corner of his mouth.
``Wasn't that it?'' she insisted.
``You are always asking me questions to which you already know the answer,'' repeated he.
``I am annoying you?''
No answer.
She laughed.``Do you want me to go away and leave you in peace with that--law case--or whatever it is?''
``I don't like to be alone.''
``But anyone would do?--a dog?''
No reply.
``You mean, a dog would be better because it doesn't ask questions to which it knows the answer.''
No reply.
``Well, I have a pleasant-sounding voice.As I'm saying nothing, it may be soothing--like the sound of the waves.I've learned to take you as you are.Irather like your pose.''
No reply.No sign that he was even tempted to rise to this bait and protest.
``But you don't like mine,'' she went on.``Yes, it is a pose.But I've got to keep it up, and to pretend to myself that it isn't.And it isn't altogether.I shall be a successful singer.''
``When?'' said he.Actually he was listening!
She answered: ``In--about two years, I think.''
No comment.
``You don't believe it?''
``Do you?'' A pause.``Why ask these questions you've already answered yourself?''
``I'll tell you why,'' replied she, her face suddenly flushed with earnestness.``Because I want you to help me.You help everyone else.Why not me?''
``You never asked me,'' said he.
``I didn't know I wanted it until just now--as Isaid it.But YOU must have known, because you are so much more experienced than I--and understand people--what's going on in their minds, deeper than they can see.'' Her tone became indignant, reproachful.
``Yes, you must have known I needed your help.
And you ought to have helped me, even if you did dislike me.You've no right to dislike anyone as young as I.''
He was looking at her now, the intensely alive blue eyes sympathetic, penetrating, understanding.It was frightful to be so thoroughly understood--all one's weaknesses laid bare--yet it was a relief and a joy, too --like the cruel healing knife of the surgeon.Said he:
``I do not like kept women.''
She gasped, grew ghastly.It was a frightful insult, one for which she was wholly unprepared.``You--believe--that?'' she said slowly.
``Another of those questions,'' he said.And he looked calmly away, out over the sea, as if his interest in the conversation were at an end.
What should she say? How deny--how convince him? For convince him she must, and then go away and never permit him to speak to her again until he had apologized.She said quietly: ``Mr.Keith, you have insulted me.''
``I do not like kept women, either with or without a license,'' said he in the same even, indifferent way.
``When you ceased to be a kept woman, I would help you, if I could.But no one can help a kept woman.''
There was nothing to do but to rise and go away.
She rose and went toward the house.At the veranda she paused.He had not moved.She returned.He was still inspecting the horizon, the cigarette depending from his lips--how DID he keep it alight? She said:
``Mr.Keith, I am sure you did not mean to insult me.
What did you mean?''
``Another of those questions,'' said he.
``Honestly, I do not understand.''
``Then think.And when you have thought, you will understand.''
``But I have thought.I do not understand.''
``Then it would be useless to explain,'' said he.
``That is one of those vital things which, if one cannot understand them for oneself, one is hopeless--is beyond helping.''
``You mean I am not in earnest about my career?''
``Another of those questions.If you had not seen clearly what I meant, you would have been really offended.You'd have gone away and not come back.''
She saw that this was true.And, seeing, she wondered how she could have been so stupid as not to have seen it at once.She had yet to learn that overlooking the obvious is a universal human failing and that seeing the obvious is the talent and the use of the superior of earth--the few who dominate and determine the race.
``You reproach me for not having helped you,'' he went on.``How does it happen that you are uneasy in mind--so uneasy that you are quarreling at me?''
A light broke upon her.``You have been drawing me on, from the beginning,'' she cried.``You have been helping me--making me see that I needed help.''
``No,'' said he.``I've been waiting to see whether you would rouse from your dream of grandeur.''
``YOU have been rousing me.''
``No,'' he said.``You've roused yourself.So you may be worth helping or, rather, worth encouraging, for no one can HELP you but yourself.''
