"Was she really? You must tell me all about it--tell me exactly how she struck you.I'm so glad it turns out that you know her.""'Know' is rather exaggerated: we used to pass each other on the stairs."Madame de Chantelle and Owen appeared together as he spoke, and Anna, gathering up her wraps, said: "You'll tell me about that, then.Try and remember everything you can."As he tramped through the woods at his young host's side, Darrow felt the partial relief from thought produced by exercise and the obligation to talk.Little as he cared for shooting, he had the habit of concentration which makes it natural for a man to throw himself wholly into whatever business he has in hand, and there were moments of the afternoon when a sudden whirr in the undergrowth, a vivider gleam against the hazy browns and greys of the woods, was enough to fill the foreground of his attention.But all the while, behind these voluntarily emphasized sensations, his secret consciousness continued to revolve on a loud wheel of thought.For a time it seemed to be sweeping him through deep gulfs of darkness.His sensations were too swift and swarming to be disentangled.He had an almost physical sense of struggling for air, of battling helplessly with material obstructions, as though the russet covert through which he trudged were the heart of a maleficent jungle...
Snatches of his companion's talk drifted to him intermittently through the confusion of his thoughts.He caught eager self-revealing phrases, and understood that Owen was saying things about himself, perhaps hinting indirectly at the hopes for which Darrow had been prepared by Anna's confidences.He had already become aware that the lad liked him, and had meant to take the first opportunity of showing that he reciprocated the feeling.But the effort of fixing his attention on Owen's words was so great that it left no power for more than the briefest and most inexpressive replies.
Young Leath, it appeared, felt that he had reached a turning-point in his career, a height from which he could impartially survey his past progress and projected endeavour.At one time he had had musical and literary yearnings, visions of desultory artistic indulgence; but these had of late been superseded by the resolute determination to plunge into practical life.
"I don't want, you see," Darrow heard him explaining, "to drift into what my grandmother, poor dear, is trying to make of me: an adjunct of Givre.I don't want--hang it all!--to slip into collecting sensations as my father collected snuff-boxes.I want Effie to have Givre--it's my grandmother's, you know, to do as she likes with; and I've understood lately that if it belonged to me it would gradually gobble me up.I want to get out of it, into a life that's big and ugly and struggling.If I can extract beauty out of THAT, so much the better: that'll prove my vocation.But I want to MAKE beauty, not be drowned in the ready-made, like a bee in a pot of honey."Darrow knew that he was being appealed to for corroboration of these views and for encouragement in the course to which they pointed.To his own ears his answers sounded now curt, now irrelevant: at one moment he seemed chillingly indifferent, at another he heard himself launching out on a flood of hazy discursiveness.He dared not look at Owen, for fear of detecting the lad's surprise at these senseless transitions.And through the confusion of his inward struggles and outward loquacity he heard the ceaseless trip-hammer beat of the question: "What in God's name shall Ido?"...
To get back to the house before Anna's return seemed his most pressing necessity.He did not clearly know why: he simply felt that he ought to be there.At one moment it occurred to him that Miss Viner might want to speak to him alone--and again, in the same flash, that it would probably be the last thing she would want...At any rate, he felt he ought to try to speak to HER; or at least be prepared to do so, if the chance should occur...
Finally, toward four, he told his companion that he had some letters on his mind and must get back to the house and despatch them before the ladies returned.He left Owen with the beater and walked on to the edge of the covert.At the park gates he struck obliquely through the trees, following a grass avenue at the end of which he had caught a glimpse of the roof of the chapel.A grey haze had blotted out the sun and the still air clung about him tepidly.At length the house-front raised before him its expanse of damp-silvered brick, and he was struck afresh by the high decorum of its calm lines and soberly massed surfaces.It made him feel, in the turbid coil of his fears and passions, like a muddy tramp forcing his way into some pure sequestered shrine...
By and bye, he knew, he should have to think the complex horror out, slowly, systematically, bit by bit; but for the moment it was whirling him about so fast that he could just clutch at its sharp spikes and be tossed off again.Only one definite immediate fact stuck in his quivering grasp.
He must give the girl every chance--must hold himself passive till she had taken them...
In the court Effie ran up to him with her leaping terrier.
"I was coming out to meet you--you and Owen.Miss Viner was coming, too, and then she couldn't because she's got such a headache.I'm afraid I gave it to her because I did my division so disgracefully.It's too bad, isn't it? But won't you walk back with me? Nurse won't mind the least bit;she'd so much rather go in to tea."
Darrow excused himself laughingly, on the plea that he had letters to write, which was much worse than having a headache, and not infrequently resulted in one.
