登陆注册
14716700000053

第53章 LONELINESS(2)

"It's a woman you see, that's what it is! It's a woman and, oh, she is lovely! She is hurt and is suffering but she makes no sound. Don't you see how it is? She lies quite still, white and still, and the beauty comes out from her and spreads over everything. It is in the sky back there and all around everywhere. I didn't try to paint the woman, of course. She is too beautiful to be painted. How dull to talk of composition and such things! Why do you not look at the sky and then run away as I used to do when I was a boy back there in Winesburg, Ohio?"That is the kind of thing young Enoch Robinson trembled to say to the guests who came into his room when he was a young fellow in New York City, but he always ended by saying nothing. Then he began to doubt his own mind. He was afraid the things he felt were not getting expressed in the pictures he painted. In a half indignant mood he stopped inviting people into his room and presently got into the habit of locking the door. He began to think that enough people had visited him, that he did not need people any more. With quick imagina- tion he began to invent his own people to whom he could really talk and to whom he explained the things he had been unable to explain to living peo- ple. His room began to be inhabited by the spirits of men and women among whom he went, in his turn saying words. It was as though everyone Enoch Robinson had ever seen had left with him some es- sence of himself, something he could mould and change to suit his own fancy, something that under- stood allabout such things as the wounded woman behind the elders in the pictures.

The mild, blue-eyed young Ohio boy was a com- plete egotist, as all children are egotists. He did not want friends for the quite simple reason that no child wants friends. He wanted most of all the peo- ple of his own mind, people with whom he could really talk, people he could harangue and scold by the hour, servants, you see, to his fancy. Among these people he was always self-confident and bold. They might talk, to be sure, and even have opinions of their own, but always he talked last and best. He was like a writer busy among the figures of his brain, a kind of tiny blue- eyed king he was, in a six- dollar room facing Washington Square in the city of New York.

Then Enoch Robinson got married. He began to get lonely and to want to touch actual flesh-and- bone people with his hands. Days passed when his room seemed empty. Lust visited his body and de- sire grew in his mind. At night strange fevers, burn- ing within, kept him awake. He married a girl who sat in a chair next to his own in the art school and went to live in an apartment house in Brooklyn. Two children were born to the woman he married, and Enoch got a job in a place where illustrations are made for advertisements.

That began another phase of Enoch's life. He began to play at a new game. For a while he was very proud of himself in the role of producing citi- zen of the world. He dismissed the essence of things and played with realities. In the fall he voted at an election and he had a newspaper thrown on his porch each morning. When in the evening he came home from work he got off a streetcar and walked sedately along behind some business man, striving to look very substantial and important. As a payer of taxes he thought he should post himself on how things are run. "I'm getting to be of some moment, a real part of things, of the state and the city and all that," he told himself with an amusing miniature air of dignity. Once, coming home from Philadel- phia, he had a discussion with a man met on a train. Enoch talked about the advisability of the govern- ment's owning and operating the railroads and the man gave him a cigar. It was Enoch's notion that such a move on the part of the government would be a good thing, and he grew quite excited as he talked. Later he remembered hisown words with pleasure. "I gave him something to think about, that fellow," he muttered to himself as he climbed the stairs to his Brooklyn apartment.

To be sure, Enoch's marriage did not turn out. He himself brought it to an end. He began to feel choked and walled in by the life in the apartment, and to feel toward his wife and even toward his children as he had felt concerning the friends who once came to visit him. He began to tell little lies about business engagements that would give him freedom to walk alone in the street at night and, the chance offering, he secretly re-rented the room fac- ing Washington Square. Then Mrs. Al Robinson died on the farm near Winesburg, and he got eight thousand dollars from the bank that acted as trustee of her estate. That took Enoch out of the world of men altogether. He gave the money to his wife and told her he could not live in the apartment any more. She cried and was angry and threatened, but he only stared at her and went his own way. In reality the wife did not care much. She thought Enoch slightly insane and was a little afraid of him. When it was quite sure that he would never come back, she took the two children and went to a village in Connecticut where she had lived as a girl. In the end she married a man who bought and sold real estate and was contented enough.

And so Enoch Robinson stayed in the New York room among the people of his fancy, playing with them, talking to them, happy as a child is happy. They were an odd lot, Enoch's people. They were made, I suppose, out of real people he had seen and who had for some obscure reason made an appeal to him. There was a woman with a sword in her hand, an old man with a long white beard who went about followed by a dog, a young girl whose stock- ings were always coming down and hanging over her shoe tops. There must have been two dozen of the shadow people, invented by the child-mind of Enoch Robinson, who lived in the room with him.

同类推荐
  • 任法

    任法

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 伤寒标本心法类萃

    伤寒标本心法类萃

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 六十种曲玉环记

    六十种曲玉环记

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 广笑府

    广笑府

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 呻吟语

    呻吟语

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
热门推荐
  • 异世魔妃我要了

    异世魔妃我要了

    穿越之后她是相府零修炼天赋,丑陋,不受宠的废柴三小姐。他却是碧川大陆上长相出众,天赋异禀,的殿下,是神抵一般的存在。他与她之间并无牵连。却又密不可分。爱与不爱,也仅仅是他与她之间的事。
  • 福妻驾到

    福妻驾到

    现代饭店彪悍老板娘魂穿古代。不分是非的极品婆婆?三年未归生死不明的丈夫?心狠手辣的阴毒亲戚?贪婪而好色的地主老财?吃上顿没下顿的贫困宭境?不怕不怕,神仙相助,一技在手,天下我有!且看现代张悦娘,如何身带福气玩转古代,开面馆、收小弟、左纳财富,右傍美男,共绘幸福生活大好蓝图!!!!快本新书《天媒地聘》已经上架开始销售,只要3.99元即可将整本书抱回家,你还等什么哪,赶紧点击下面的直通车,享受乐乐精心为您准备的美食盛宴吧!)
  • 殡葬笔记

    殡葬笔记

    生命在这个世界上远比我们想象的脆弱,死亡无时无刻不在发生!年轻的殡葬师,如何应对这个非现实科学道理解释不清楚的事件,又如何面对妖艳女鬼的要命魅惑,他的格言;与鬼斗、与红粉骷髅斗,与天斗其乐无穷。
  • 我的幻想与现实

    我的幻想与现实

    “…”片刻的沉默,让我有些怀疑是某个人的恶作剧,正准备挂掉时,里面传出了声音:“喂,是小轩吗?”熟悉的声音让我有种窒息的感觉,我有些怀疑是不是自己听错了,因为在我的看来,这辈子也许再也没有机会听到这个声音了。声音很脆很甜,听了有种让人着迷感觉。而这种熟悉感,一下子打开了我早已不想记起的回忆。是她,林雅楠!那个在最纯真的年代里,深深的扎根在我的心底深处的人。我有些颤抖的回道:“恩,是我。你…你还好吗?”
  • 花无恙

    花无恙

    很多年前,子虚山上千年银杏树下有一只被双亲遗弃的丑狐花无恙于此潜心修行。偶有一日,它撞见上山来游玩的一美少年林静远,情窦始开,芳心暗许,遂决心修行成人,下山与其结为连理。奈何,花无恙的姐姐花千芳无意中见此美少年画像后,春心大动,欲横刀夺爱。花无恙下山阻止,遇到一游历江湖的少侠李若虚。三人交错,一场爱恨情仇的故事就此慢慢展开。
  • 凡尘幻世录

    凡尘幻世录

    修炼大能叶南在重天大陆修炼时招来异像,被时空裂缝吸入,穿越到地球。原本的他被同学唾弃,被家族丢弃。穿越后的他冷酷无情,他黑白两道通吃,他济世救人,丹武重修,看他如何冲上云霄!
  • 皇家学院:Death!不是公主

    皇家学院:Death!不是公主

    有这样一个传说,每一千年,便会在下雪之夜出生一个死神转世的女孩,而且,这种可能性,只有1%不到。一个宁愿毁灭所有的女孩,她显得那样的脆弱而又孤单,被抛弃的她憎恨着世界和上帝,重重的阴谋,痛苦的抉择,艰难的道路,她最后到底是否更够复仇成功?可爱的他,冷漠的他,邪魅的他,花心的他,神秘的他,体贴的他。公主的王子,由你来决定……
  • 神墓之古碑

    神墓之古碑

    摆脱了六道轮回!逆转三世的格局!他在时空的尽头返本还源!回归上古,领悟三世分身!重修十万年!看遍天地浩荡,逆乱阴阳时空。论谁与争锋……且看战天封神。
  • 骷髅生

    骷髅生

    “恩,灵珀……”男子笑了,含笑的星目如同初春般温柔,她记住了自己……“灵珀……”一时的喜悦让他脑中一片空白,只有傻乎乎的叫着她的『名字』。“恩”骷髅轻声答应。男子皱眉良久,嘴开合半天。“想不想,出去转转?”干巴巴的开场白,是他唯一可以找到的话题。骷髅咂咂牙齿,“外面是什么?”
  • 三界剑皇

    三界剑皇

    天分三界,人分九等,下等少年步凡心狠手辣,不甘平庸,偶的机缘从此一飞冲天,战三界,灭六道,破九霄,一人一剑战遍九天十地,盖压宇宙苍穹,默然回首,世间再无一招之敌!